So I need to do a lot of things among them start posting here again... just been too busy lately. I felt it important to say that Paris Hilton should stick to Ska and not that Hip Hop crap she sucks at.

I made a huge mistake and procrastinated far too much in my math class, so now I'm going to fail. On the bright side I can take summer school until the 18thof July and graduate. So, that's good at least. Otherwise I would have to go back for math and 2 gym credits, since next year they are adding 11th and 12th grade gym to required credits. I was scared that they wouldn't offer 12th grade since it's a really important and complex course and I'm not even sure if they'll let me take it if I didn't do the exam... We'll see tomorrow I guess.

All I can do now is focus on my biology credit. It's going well but I can't help but worry too much.

So tonight promises have been made. Very big important ones that should come in to effect in the next few months. I want to believe everything said and I trust him but I am terrified to do so because life is one let down after the other. It doesn't want you to just be happy you have to work hard for it. Maybe I have worked hard to be happy and where we're concerned I do my fucking best to make sure we are true to each other. So why do I find it so hard to just let the promise stand. I don't want to doubt it at all, but, I am scared.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and turn my life around a bit. School will be over with real soon. I have two to three more weeks left then I FINALLY graduate. It's been two years late, but it's going to be done. I might cry because I really had my doubts when I was stuck half way around the world. I never thought I would get my life back, that I could be happy again, that I would find anything I once had. I found more, I fell in love, and I just feel right. Tomorrow I will have less time with my other half but in his absence I'm going to go for a run, then take a a walk with a good friend of mine to the Civic Centre for a good work out and SWIM. I've missed swimming lots and haven't had the courage to go by myself for a while now. So it'll be good to go the first time with her. After that we're going to Red River and I'll register for full-time Photography. I'll likely get in 2009, seeing how late it is now, but who knows. I think I'd kind of prefer it that way so I have time to save so I can pay off my debts after I'm done. Plus if when the promises happen, perhaps a few months later we can move out on our own, if I can get a hold on a decent full-time job. Either way I'll just be glad he's here.

Tonight I cried a lot. I've been feeling so lonely, and I'm just glad I was able to get my feelings out and talk about it all. I think it made everything better. I'll remember not to hold stuff in, because it really just weighs on me.

For my last remark, Harry Potter is just co-ed Worst Witch.

I had to do this in return for someone else.

Leave a comment and I will:
1) tell you why I friended you,
2) associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.,
3) tell you something I like about you,
4) tell you a memory I have of you,
5) ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
6) tell you my favorite user pic of yours,
7) in return, you must post this in your LJ

Enjoy :3

Wow so I haven't written anything in here for ages now. The last half of may was actually pretty eventful for me. My boyfriend came down from Ottawa to see me and some of his family that lives here. It was really nice to see him and now I miss him way lots.. we discussed some stuff and perhaps he might move out here in with his uncle. It would be nice but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Lately though the fact he's not here has been weighing heavily on my shoulders. I feel great when he;s around and I get to talk to him, or even when he texts me and stuff, but I get really depressed when I cant have any contact. It just sucks more because I seemingly can't text/call him anymore because of how expensive its getting and he barely has a free moment at work to email me D: Maybe I'm too clingy or needy but it feels like a step backwards. Lots has happened between us in those days we had but I really hate suddenly feeling like he's ripped away from me and it would make the transition back a lot easier if I could talk to him more.. just aieee. I guess I'm going in a circle with this. I just really wish sometimes that he could just stay here and I'm really trying to put my frame of mind in that he wont move out here because that way I can't be as disappointed when he choses to go to college out there.

Other than my boy woes, I have become increasingly obsessed with X-Men. I've been reading New X-Men and it's freaking awesome. On top of that, I joined an RP Forum based on it, which is going to be lots of fun, though it seems to be slowing down for some reason. I keep refreshing the pages to check for new posts. http://xavierrpg.proboards101.com/ ~ In case anyone is interested in joining. Though I don't think there's really anyone interested in X-Men and text based RP's other than hako_neko, who happens to be an owner of the forum.

On another topic, BSG has really been irking me. For starters I had to wait two weeks for the new episode, and it was supposed to be a "EVERYTHING WILL BE REVEALED" episode, but it was not. Le disappointment. Next week though, next week better be. Although that six's death made me epic sad. It was so beautiful whens he died. Just they way she did being a cylon... it was really interesting. Maybe I'm just too much of a nerd.

School is ending soon too. I got about 2 weeks left before my online courses are over and I should graduate at the end of the month after exams. Thankfully I only have the two classes, meaning only two exams. Sometime this week too I'm going to apply at Red River for their Photography course, but I'll probably get waitlisted, which is lame. At least if I have to wait until next year I can save up and figure out if I'm really going to stay here and stuff. Tss.

In the meantime, I need a job. It seems I can probably get hired back at Things Engraved but that's an hour away on the bus and unless they'll give me 8 hour shifts on less days (since they need part-time only) I don't want to make the trips and waste the time. God I need a job D:

Anyway this post is all over the place, so I'll leave it here for now.

...consists of:
1. Sleeping in.
2. Being with your other half.
3. Having lots of tongue action with said other half.
4. Coming home to a feast for a king.
5. Settling your day with a new episode of Battlestar Galactica.

Alright~

Felipe says:
see
Felipe says:
brs can play instrument
Felipe says:
we are not monkey

<3 the best BR ever.

I got bored so I stole this from born_silence. However, when I started thinking about it I realized I could not pick out a sexy man, much lest 10 of them... Tru fax. So I just did women. I find myself saying I'd do so-and-so-girl more than so-and-so-guy anyway.

Sexy Meme List.

1. List 10 people (male and/or female)
2. List for what reason
3. Provide Picture of said eye candy
4. Tag people on your flist (nah, do at your will, I mean you'll have fun anyway)

10. Olivia Lufkin
09. Victoria Beckham
08. Choi Horan
07. Ellen Page
06. Angelina Jolie
05. Utada Hikaru
04. Lee Jung Hyun
03. Katee Sackhoff
02. Jeri Ryan
01. Tricia Helfer

Some of the list is a bit sketchy as I found it difficult to be on the spot thinking of these, but about half of it is correct for sure. Especially my top three. Yes. Oh yes.

Soon I've got all I want, but I'm afraid of making it work. Whenever I get what I want, I realise I don't have what I need. Lately I feel like I'm doing what I need, and it's what I want, but what if I'm wrong and this all goes wrong again. I can only try and hope for the best and this strange feeling is what it seems. I have faith in this, but I'm still scared.

What else can I do. It begins May 14th.

For now I have two more days to complete this gigantic math project, and I have nearly no head start. This weekend is all I have and I need to make the best of it. I could sure use a good mark on this 30% because by what I've done so far, I'm failing Math and I'm panicking. I always have a problem with classes. In fact I have missed a lot of English classes and monday I drag myself in and beg for the chance to make it right. Hopefully there is still a chance for me to pass this class and get a decent mark but that really depends on how I present myself come monday. I'm thinking of getting in early and talking to him then instead of waiting till after class and looking really pathetic. If he tells me there's no chance then I'll drop the class right there. No sense in stressing over it if there's no point, then I can just focus on the other classes. After all, I just need the two to graduate. I guess I'll find out come monday, but for now I got to prioritize on what I stress about.

I wish I was better at prioritizing. If I could, I would be able to study Korean better on my own time. It seems that the only time I find is the middle of biology pulling out my half sized graph paper to write out the vowels and symbols with matching romanization to remember them, but that will never be enough in the end. I've already got them on the top of my head and can romanize just about anything put infront of me but what good is that! Hopefully once the semester is over and I've graduated I can try to start over. I'll spend the summer working and studying a bit when I fins the time between everything else and when college comes around perhaps I can get in to a better habit of studying for that and my own interests. We shall see how that goes. As I said, I just need to do what's most important first. I always say it's hard, but I do understand that it's really not. It's not hard for me either, so, really, what is the problem? If only someone could tell me what it was!

Other than school, I find that having the time for my family is diminishing. I havent seen my aunt other than the one time when I first got back and I used to see them all the time before Italy. I saw my dad today though, which was nice I suppose. We played GTA4 which was so hilarious and fun. That game never gets old. The fourth one looks so nice graphic wise, other than the fail trees, but you don't really notice them. He is still messing about complaining about stuff I will never understand. Why? Because his complaints are stupid. I hate to say it but he needs to grow up still... At least he's trying though.

On a brighter note, for me, next week's BSG looks SO EPIC.

Today at 3 is my first doctors checkup since well before I left for Italy. I'm quite nervous, doctors and medical stuff has always made me uneasy and quite terrified. There's a list of reasons why, but they don't matter. I just have to get to it and stick it out because I have to get this done.

This morning I woke up with an odd taste on my tongue. After brushing my teeth, it was still there. Now it hurts as if i burnt it or had been eating too much sour stuff. I don't get it. Today is the first day of my all raw diet and fast. Not as a diet, but it's just what is in my daily diet. I'll be eating vegetables and fruit (Also almonds for protein, only eating natural raw stuff!) for 2 days then 4 days of water and then another of raw foods. Then I can ease up. Hopefully I'll feel in better health and maybe start eating more because I have been having a problem with food lately. Even if I don't get back on track with how much I eat, hopefully it will be all healthy and safer. Who knows.

I should get moving on my math project for the 5th. I really need to get it done and I don't get extensions in this class. It's just so long and puts me off... Someone do it for me! :3

I suppose I'll go for a run and bike ride. Fun stuff.

Made a new icon. Wee. I loved Silent Hill 3 with a passion. With a passion. So now I'm downloading it to replay it on my computer. My last computer couldn't handle it years back, perhaps this one can. Though it'll be super annoying if I can't get it windowed mode!

Anyway, today I got back my biology test. It got 33.5/55. Not to shabby for a 2 hour cram the night before while missing half the notes. I also had my english in-class essay/test. I don't think I'll make it in time at the end of monday's class. Since I missed one day I get to finish the second day monday... so I'll just write the rest over the weekened since technically I'm allowed...

I really need to get going on my school work. I'm slipping way behind and though I just need 2 credits of the 4 I'm taking (one has to be my math), I'm reluctant to do anything. I'm really trying though. I just don't see what's wrong with me to procrastinate so much when I know how important it is this time around. I'm looking at colleges too. It's looking like Emily Carr, Algonquin, or Red River, but I don't really care where I go any more... I just know what I want to be doing. I guess if I do find the right university too I'll consider that still, but I'm just floating around on ideas currently.

Seems I've lost a lot of control in my life. I'm trying to make that up in all the wrong ways right now. I know it's wrong, what I'm doing, but I just can't stop. It's been a week now and I'm dropping fast. I realise thats highly innuendoing...ing of me, but it needs to be written for my own good.

That's it for now I suppose.

So a topic I have been very vocal about when it comes to CSI is that over the top character Horatio Cain. I hate that guy. I forget the term in writing, but he's one of those invincible super humans that seemingly have no faults, are overly emo and make you feel sorry for them and... just.. I mean really. The other day he drove his fancy csi car in to a building being imploded in 20 seconds, managed to find some guy tied up and drove out while it was exploding JUST in time with the dust flying behind him....


COME THE FUCK ON.

I mean, what is that? And always with this slow... not so witty.... comments... Please, can we have the first csi front man death? PLEASE?

( Oh and, PS; )

GODDAMN I'm hungry.

So my school has proven to me slightly more retarded than it's always been. I say only slightly because there isn't much room for retardism in it's case. Two weeks ago I had an exam for my online Math class. It was a week. Get this, no one decided to tell me. I get in the following monday to a "Lol you missed your math exam" from the resource teacher. She and I spent a half hour figuring out why and what I can do to fix the issue. Apparently they sent home letters and called everyone. Except me, of course. They had me check my info to make sure it was correct, it was. I then proceeded to ask why everyone failed to inform me and figure out why I'm not there during the week it was on while I was probably in the building at the same time it was going on. FAIL at them. It really pissed me off but luckily that part was only 30% of the whole exam (Last two parts June 10) and 9% of my entire grade. Still, that's now 9% I lost because of their failness. Normally I would be chill if it was my fault, but it was not and I ACTUALLY care this time around.

I'm starting to think I'd rather just go to college out in Ottawa for the writers craft courses they have at Algonquin then waste money at university where I will fail just as much. Seems our plans are shifting around and even if we decide to go out to Alberta or whatever I could just do that there too. I love being flexible but I also would like to have options open. I should just try much harder.

Right now I'm starving. I wont say anything else.

On to Friday's BSG. Epic win for Tory, and and even bigger Olympic win for airlocking. I am still sad though, I was starting to like Cally... At least she went out in a blaze of Airlockness, which earns TONS of cool death points. Not to mention she looked hot with her haircut. Meh. I must say though that they need more scenes of Starbuck and her hot dominating ship role. Id tap that. I would have before too, but this is just so much more exciting. I just hope it doesn't smell on that recycling ship. Ew.

My saturday was crazy. I went out to Cowboys with Laura for her dental class social thingger. We planned on staying till 9 at first but her dad was going to pick us up at 10:30 but I dont think he came until 11:30, he was already late on taking us there but oh well. I got quite drunk, which I didnt plan but Laura did and then we just sort of got in to it haha. It was fun we just walked around laughing and making jokes at people. Though she got in a fight with Karen, this woman that lives in her dad's house lol. I dont even know if she pays rent or whatever but she's there. Good times I just wish I came home earlier. Though my grandparents came home like 10 minutes after me from a wedding social and bought me a muffin from Tim Horton's and we had some lols while I was still drunk haha. I love them. I then proceeded to have a three hour phone call with my Dad, which at first was out of me being drunk but 3 hours in bed on the phone sobers you up quick. It was a good talk but... I became disappointed in him for various reasons. Hopefully it will all get better soon. Anyways...

I must go exercise and eat some chicken noodle soup now. Ta.

So, I think I've fallen much farther behind in my online classes than I'm willing to admit. I suppose I should use my evening to catch up. I guess it's a good thing too that I'm at least logging on every week to not get auto kick from them. It's not going to fix the problem forever though, I have two and a half months to do pretty much all of Law and most of Math... I feel so royally fucked, but, I know it's doable to even get ahead by mid may... but actually doing it is another thing. I really need to pick myself up from this rut I'm in with school. It's already two years late from when I was supposed to graduate and honestly I don't want to do this part any more. I want to move on.

Other than that, I actually started job hunting. I'm looking in to pretty much anything decent that doesn't have to do with food. Or crappy jobs across town that takes nearly two hours to get to and longer to get home. Like my last job at shitty Things Engraved. I wouldn't have mind had it been worth it, but that job was way mismanaged and stressful. I don't even know how to put it on my resumes when they ask about supervisor as I really didn't have a solid one and neither of them even work there anymore. I usually just put "No longer employed by company" and leave "May we contact?" blank... I hope that doesn't look bad but if they ask I'm sure it's alright. At least they have Lighthouse to look at. I find that job puts me in such good light. It's a people skills job and very particular... I just hope my boss doesn't shit talk me haha.

But anyway...


<3

So as just about anyone can tell, I have become obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. Not that I wasn't ever already, but now because of the fourth season, everything I do or say will have BSG in my mind. Everything. I must say though that the fourth season is looking pretty badass. Though I'll kill someone if it turns out the cylons win (Not that I'd mind) and kill all the humans except Giaus and his wackjob followers, plant them on earth so that he becomes our Jesus. That would be so lame. Although it might piss off some christians which would be highly entertaining. "OMG MOCKERY".

That's all I can think of right now.

( Be safe, kids. )

My new icon is win. Just win. If you disagree, you should die. It's just a fact. It wins so much that I think the whole idea in itself should just be president. Yes, an entity for president. Gods, the frakking win just doesn't stop.

I just went back and deleted half of my posts from when I was in Italy. They were mostly emo and I don't want to have to look back at them. I kept some just for reference on some stuff though. Since I'm double posting I might as well make this worth it. Too bad I'm too lazy, suckers.